Dr. Umar | Concern or Competitive Jealousy? | How Disparagement Shapes Women's Perceptions

In the intricate dynamics of relationships and societal interactions, men often engage in covert competition for women's approval. This competition can manifest in subtle yet impactful ways, such as disparaging comments about other men. This article explores how men use disparagement to compete, with insights from Biblical narratives and contemporary examples. By understanding these dynamics, women can discern motivations and navigate relationships more wisely.

The Dynamics of Disparagement:

Dr. Umar Johnson, a prominent figure in the African American community, discourages Black women from dating white men, alleging that their interest is purely sexual and not genuine for marriage and family. While it's possible for many individuals to have insincere motives, it's a sweeping generalization that does not hold true for absolutely everyone. Conversely, the unspoken implication that Black men do not exploit women sexually is equally unfounded. Both generalizations serve to poison the minds of Black women against men of other races to diminish or eliminate sexual competition from men outside of our racial community. Disparagement is a powerful tool that manipulates the mind.

Personal Experiences and Early Lessons:

Growing up, many women receive cautionary advice about interracial dating. I recall my father warning me, "You're going to school with a lot of white people, which means a lot of white boys. Many of them will try to sleep with you just to say they had sex with a Black girl. Don't let them do that to you." There was no warning about how the Black boys might do the same. All the focus was exclusively on white boys, only. Conversely, my white friend's father advised her, "I don't care who you bring home, but just know if you become the white girl who dates Black guys, you will get a reputation. You don't want that reputation. Be careful who you entertain." Both pieces of advice, though well-meaning, reflected a deeper issue of men competing for control over women's choices through means of overt and covert disparagement.

Biblical Insights on Disparagement and Jealousy:

The Bible provides profound insights into the nature of jealousy and competition amongst men. A notable example is the story of King Saul and David. When David's popularity soared, especially among women who sang his praises, Saul's jealousy intensified. 1 Samuel 18:7-9 (ESV) recounts, "And the women sang to one another as they celebrated, 'Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands.' And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, 'They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands. And what more can he have but the kingdom?' And Saul eyed David from that day on." Saul's disparagement of David was rooted in jealousy and fear of losing approval and power.

In a contemporary church setting, I witnessed a similar dynamic. The senior pastor, a plain-looking, older gentleman, grew jealous of a new, younger pastor who was markedly handsome and was also a gifted teacher. The women in the congregation particularly admired the young pastor. In response, the senior pastor publicly chastised the congregation for having "favorites" and reminded them that all young men would one day be old and bald. This public disparagement mirrored Saul's jealousy towards David, revealing the timeless nature of such competitive behaviors.

Navigating Disparagement with Wisdom:

It's essential for women to weigh the criticisms men offer about other men, especially when the motivations are unclear or potentially impure. Proverbs 18:8 (ESV) states, "The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body." Disparaging comments can deeply influence perceptions and ultimately decisions - which is precisely why disparagement is employed as a tactic of competition. Women must discern whether such comments stem from genuine concern or competitive jealousy.

Conclusion:

Understanding the covert competition among men through disparagement allows women to make more informed choices in their relationships. By recognizing these dynamics and seeking wisdom from Biblical teachings, women can navigate interactions with clarity and discernment. Ultimately, fostering healthy and genuine relationships requires looking beyond disparaging comments and understanding the true motivations behind them.